JAG: Jurisdictional Ass Grabbing
by Crittab
Summary: My brother and I wrote this while in the depths of absolute stupidity. Read, and enjoy, I really don't mean any offence to anyone- It's a messed up story yall. Enjoy it. Wow, I can't beleive we actually updated this!
1. Mooning the Comet

Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or the sun.  
  
AN: this is meant to be stupid, I was talking to my brother and I said, "I need to read a happy fic", and seeing how he knows me so well, he said this- " Robert, my brother, and I wrote this together, on a very hyper and mindless rampage. No Offence, really.  
  
"The comet will destroy all life on Earth, unless this man, Harman Rabb, can destroy it. His mission: To shoot his load of missiles at the comet, in the hopes that it will destroy the comet."  
  
A voice out of nowhere bothers Harm as he fly toward the monstrous comet entering the Earth's atmosphere on a collision course with the chunk of land we like to call Washington.  
  
"Firing missiles," Exclaims Harm into his radio as he fires 12 missiles. His tomcat speeding at mach 2 toward the comet. The missiles screeching across the sky leaving a trail of smoke and vapor.  
  
TING!  
  
A loud sound as the missiles hit the metal frame of the comet and deflects toward the Whitehouse.  
  
"Bah! SHIT!" said Harm as he watched the powerful missiles pick up speed and slam directly into the oval office.  
  
"Ahhhhh-pshhhhhh!" the sound in his radio as the president and several of the members of the Whitehouse staff has his missiles rammed down their throats.  
  
KABOOM!  
  
The Whitehouse is decimated in a huge explosion as the 12 missiles explode.  
  
"Damn." says Harm as he is left in radio silence screaming toward the comet that is bent on destroying all of humanity in a mere 30 minutes.  
  
"Mission control. Are you there?" he yells into his radio.  
  
"Nice shot asshole," says the mission control dude. "You destroyed the Whitehouse! Idiot!"  
  
"Bah, go boil your head moron!" says Harm, "I would like to see you fly this pile of trash."  
  
"I have a request." Harm tells the people at mission control, "Tell my children. I love them very much." He says.  
  
"Harm, you don't have any children." A voice says over the radio, accompanied by some radio static.  
  
"Just tell them! Tell my children that! I have children you idiots!" says Harm.  
  
"No YOU DON'T!" a bunch of voices yell over the radio at Harm.  
  
"Ahh, screw you all!" says harm, as he gets ready to do something stupid.  
  
The tomcat, veering upward toward the comet, hits the afterburners. Speeding up.  
  
"Alright you alien assholes, in the name of my generation. Upu yours!" says Harm. Quoting a movie he saw the other night.  
  
The tomcat enters the wake of the comet, shaking violently. Harm in all of his stupidity hits the eject button like a moron. His seat flies out of the plane, with him yelling curse words at himself for being such an idiot.  
  
He landed on the roof of a big building with a loud CLUMP!  
  
"Ow!" says Harm.  
  
Then the sounds of a Helicopter flying toward him make him jump.  
  
Later:  
  
....................................  
  
~~~  
  
"Harm, you. you." Admiral Chegwidden yells at Harm. As Harm walks into his office. "You destroyed the Whitehouse! Killed the president! Destroyed a 40 million dollar aircraft!!!!" the admiral screams into Harms face.  
  
"Admiral, it wasn't my fault. I had to. To destroy the comet, it was my only chance!" he pleads.  
  
"Yeah, but then you didn't have to moon the helicopter driver when he landed to pick you up." The Admiral said, he seemed to be calming down now.  
  
"It seemed like the right thing to do.." Said Harm.  
  
"You will go to court for this Harm. If any lawyer can help you in this case, then I will eat my own crap! DISMISSED!" yells Admiral Chegwidden.  
  
"Yes sir!" says Harm as he limps out the door, trying not to put too much weight on his sprained ankle because of the way he landed on the building.  
  
"Admiral Shitwagon." he says under his breath as he closes the door.  
  
"I heard that," Yelled A.J from his office. The office turned to look at Harm.  
  
"Sir, permission to speak freely?" Harriet asked.  
  
"Granted Lieutenant."  
  
"How come you still have your gold wings? I mean, in the time that I've known you, you've crashed two planes, and have been shot down in two planes. Quite frankly sir, I would never get in a plane with you," she said. Harm resisted the urge to get angry with her due to the fact that she was pregnant- again.  
  
"Well, Lieutenant. The NAVY needs more pilots like me, who are willing to take risks," he said self appreciatively.  
  
"Sir, the NAVY would be fresh out of Tomcats if there were more pilots like you."  
  
"RABB," Harm jumped as his name was screamed form across the bullpen. He turned to face a very fried looking George Bush.  
  
"Mister President? I thought I killed you," ol' Georgie was still smoking, and what little hair he had left of his head was standing up on end.  
  
"You failed in your assassination attempts Commander, now get ready for the court martial-"  
  
The next day Harm was sitting behind the defense desk, as the president was behind the prosecutions chair. Harm had Sturgis as his council, and the President had Mac.  
  
"Before we begin today's proceeding's, is there anything the Prosecution would like to say?"  
  
"Yes, your honor there is," Bush began he bent over and began fishing around before pulling up a bundle of fluff, " Look what Rabb did to my poor little pooch, Muffin," rounds of Awwwww's were heard throughout the courtroom.  
  
"I thought I told you yesterday, No dogs in my court room."  
  
"But I'm the president of the United States," he whined.  
  
"So? So, so, so, so, so, so, huh, huh, huh, huh, what are you going to do about it, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh," The judge started to say.  
  
Hours had passed in the courtroom and finally the jury had made a decision.  
  
"Before the jury states their decision I would like to say one thing. Rabb, you suck at flying," Said the Judge. Harm looked like he was about to respond, but Mac beat him to it.  
  
"He does not. He killed that comet. Besides, I love him," She said. She walked over to his side of the courtroom and kissed him.  
  
"Mac, were in court, don't do that here," Harm said embarrassedly.  
  
"I don't care where we are, Harm," She kissed him again, and he pushed her off of him. She looked angry and slapped him in the arm. He slapped her back on her arm, and before they knew it, they were in a full blown slap fight.  
  
"ORDER. ORDER IN THE COURTROOM!!!!!!!!!" yelled the judge while banging his gavel. After a few moments with no response he got down from the stand and began hitting the still slapping Harm and Mac on the heads with the gavel.  
  
Before they knew it, everyone in the courtroom was involved in a tangled up brawl except for Harriet, who was going into labor in the corner of the room, and a little dude named Joe, who was standing by the window.  
  
"YO, EVERYONE!" Joe yelled.  
  
"What?" Asked Harriet.  
  
"Your all a bunch of idiots!" said Joe, pointing at the courtroom.  
  
"What? I am a scholar sir!" an old man stands up from the back of the courtroom.  
  
"Don't call me sir!!!!" yells Joe, as he launches himself at the old man. Many people trying to hold him back.  
  
Just then, a helicopter appears in the window. The pilot gives Harm the middle finger, and moons him. The helicopter takes off with Harm in its wake screaming, "Come back and do that to my face! Wait... yuck!"  
  
Just then Harm jumps onto a motorcycle and starts chasing the helicopter throughout the city.  
  
"Slow down asshole!" a yell from the sidewalk from and old lady directed at Harm. Mac comes out of nowhere and tackles the old woman.  
  
"Go harm! GOOooo!" she yells at Harm. Harm takes off as fast as the motorbike will allow.  
  
3 Hours Later:  
  
Harm is zooming along the freeway chasing this helicopter when suddenly the helicopter starts to bob and weave all over the place. Black smoke starts spitting out of the rotor. The helicopter crashes in the middle of someone's front yard.  
  
An old Canadian woman runs out yelling something really weird.  
  
"Gerroutof mah yard! Ya frikken moronic dickwad!" she starts screaming at the dead helicopter pilot. His pants still down around his ankles.  
  
"HAH!" exclaims Harm as he speeds by giving the dead pilot the finger. Harm, not watching where he was going, hits a ramp and flies high into the air.  
  
"Aghhh!" he yells as his bike flies up 50 feet into the thick polluted air.  
  
His bike, now imbedded in a nearby Wal-Mart, engine still running. The bike kept up by its momentum starts flying through the store. Running shoppers and Wal-Mart staff over as it makes its romp through the bikini section. The bikes short rampage ended after about 20 seconds when the bike slammed into a display of woman's briefs.  
  
Where was Harm during all of this?  
  
Find out next week on..  
  
JAG: Jurisdictional Ass Grabbing. 


	2. Wonderbras and Manure

This week on Jurisdictional Ass Grabbing.  
  
"Shit!" Harm exclaimed as he picked himself out of the thorn bush, decorating the side of Walmart, "I am not having luck with the Bushes lately."  
  
He staggered out into the street, picking thorns out of his ass. He saw a lone figure sitting on a bench across the street. He made his way across and sat down next to them.  
  
"God, Harm," Mac, muttered under her breath. She began picking thorns out of his shoulder and arm.  
  
"No, I'm not God, but I'm close. Good to know that you think so highly of me," he said with complete seriousness. She sighed and laughed lightly.  
  
"Good to know you haven't lost your sense of humor," she elbowed him lightly sending him toppling off of the bench into another thorn bush, "Are you alright?" She asked a tad worried.  
  
"Yeah, I meant to do that. What, do you think I'm some kind of wimp?" He asked as he resituated himself atop the bench. She laughed and leaned lightly on him, and noticed his wince.  
  
"I wouldn't use that word to describe you, Harm. You're much, much more than a wimp."  
  
"Whatever," he stood and began to stagger towards the street.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"To get my motorcycle back," he said. She jumped up and ran to his side.  
  
"I'm coming with you," she said, determinedly.  
  
"Mac, it went straight into the Woman's underwear section, it could be dangerous," he said seriously.  
  
"Harm, I can't let you go in there alone. You could get hurt."  
  
"So could you, Mac. I can't put you in that kind of danger," he wanted to protect her.  
  
"Harm, that kind of terrain needs someone with my expertise, please, let me come with you," she pleaded.  
  
"Fine," he conceded, "but if it starts to get really dangerous I want you out of there."  
  
"Agreed, but your right behind me, Commander. Do you know how bad dead squid smells?"  
  
"Yes, I do," the two started to walk across the street. Once they were almost across, a bus came hurling down the road, and hit them both. They were sent flying right into a billboard for the wonder bra.  
  
Mac peeled her face off of the billboard and looked at Harm, whose face was firmly implanted in the billboard woman's right breast- implant.  
  
"Are you sure you want to risk going in there? The bras already have it out for us," she said. He peeled his face off to look at her.  
  
"I have to, Mac. There's an important folder with evidence for one of my cases in the little basket on the front, right next to the squeezy horn thing," he explained. Mac nodded her understanding and pulled the rest of her off of the billboard, before landing in a pile of fresh manure, this was a common resting place for runaway cattle. Harm came down a moment later, spraying more of the brown scum into her face.  
  
"Sorry," he said sheepishly.  
  
"No problem, it's still better than your meatless meatloaf."  
  
Harm and Mac picked themselves out of the manure and made their ways bravely into the Walmart. They found the Woman's underwear section without too much trouble, but Harm knew deep down, this would be their most dangerous mission together since becoming partners.  
  
Putting on brave faces, they pulled out the machine guns they magically had and headed past the threshold.  
  
How do Harm and Mac fair in the wilds of female underwear shoppers?  
  
Find out next time on....  
  
JAG: Jurisdictional Ass Grabbing. 


	3. Matrix: Mac Style

JAG: Jurisdictional Ass Grabbing part 3  
  
Harm and Mac made there way deeper into the dangers of the female underwear section of Walmart. Right now they were hiding behind a rack of custom Push- UP bras, while a flock of rowdy shoppers made there way through the isle. Harm and Mac took this time to lock and load their machine guns, and make sure everything was oiled and ready.  
  
"We should split up," Mac suggested.  
  
"Mac, this is dangerous," Harm said, Mac put her hand on his shoulder.  
  
"More for you than me. What woman wouldn't be a little freaked out to see a six foot four tall man with dark hair and dazzling green eyes, in a dirty Navy uniform traipsing through the female underwear section of a Walmart. I mean, if you were in a Victoria secret, or Zellers store, I could understand that. But not Walmart, so don't worry about me. Just watch your back."  
  
"I'm scared Mac. When I was a kid my mom took me to Walmart. I've had bad experiences," He admitted. Mac put her hand on his shoulder.  
  
"You can do it Harm. You can overcome this fear. Please, Harm. Do it for the files." Harm nodded  
  
"Okay, okay, fine." Said Harm. Slowly backing away from Mac with a worried look on his face.  
  
"You check over by the change rooms, I'll go searching down this way towards the feminine products aisle." Ordered Mac, as she took off into a quick jog in the opposite direction of Harm.  
  
"Yes Ma'am." said Harm with a dumb looking smile on his face as he started to walk towards the change rooms.  
  
Mac was just getting past the Over-the-counter-but-still-illegal drug section when five security guards approached her.  
  
"Are you ok lady? You aren't hurt are you? Did you see the crash? Any survivors? Can you tell-" Mac punched the first security guard in the face cutting him off in mid sentence.  
  
"What the?" another security guard said, staring amazingly at the small skinny women literally handing a security guard his own ass with her bare fists.  
  
"Yaaaaahhh!" screamed Mac as another security guard gave her a home-run swing to the face with his baton. Mac, counter-attacking him, leapt upon him and beat him wildly in the face.  
  
"Stop her!" yelled another security guard as he started to run towards Mac who was getting up off of the recently bloodied security guard.  
  
"Damn it, I broke a nail!" yelled Mac examining her hands. "That makes me EXTRA ANGRY!" she screamed as the security guard running towards her breaks off into an awkward sprint to try and tackle her.  
  
An ominous humming sound filled the air as the security guard approached Mac. She leapt into the air. Everything was in slow motion. Mac and the man started to spin around slowly, Mac frozen in mid air. WHACK! The security went flying into a nearby cocaine display as Mac dealt him a mighty kick.  
  
"Well now that was cool." said Mac. Looking around at all of the dead security guards lying about. She continued running in the direction she was before.  
  
After a good ten minutes of searching, Mac finally came upon the pitiful heap of broken metal that was the motorcycle. Frantically clambering on top of the heaping mountainous mess of maxi pads and twisted metal she searched for the files.  
  
"Aha! There they are!" she exclaimed, looking up and seeing the files set upon a nearby Beano display.  
  
"I've been looking all over for these!" she said, picking up a box of Beano and slipping it into her bra. Her chest now sporting a rectangle shape over her left breast. "No one should notice this!"  
  
She turned around to walk away, completely forgetting the files she had been searching for all along.  
  
"I need to find a disguise. This is a dangerous place, it may be easier to get out if they can't recognize me!" she said, walking over to the Men's Wear section.  
  
Grabbing a few articles of clothing she quickly looks around too see if anyone was nearby. She then quickly tore off her clothes and put on some baggy jeans and a sweat shirt, putting the box of Beano in the jeans pocket, which was now forming a rectangular shape at her crotch.  
  
"Right, now where are those files?" she asked herself, looking around to find the files. "Crap!" she screamed suddenly realizing she left them back at the Beano display.  
  
Breaking off into a run worthy of an NFL quarterback, Mac charged back toward the display that had held the files. Seeing a teenaged boy with thick black glasses with dorky frames, and a face cluttered with acne. She stopped in her tracks. This was the most ugly specimen of the male race she had ever encountered. And he was touching the files she came to retrieve.  
  
"Yuuuck!" said Mac out loud as the teenaged boy spotted her.  
  
"Did ya drop yer papers here marm?" the boy said, flashing his yellow bucked teeth in a smile that could shatter a mirror.  
  
Nearly puking Mac replied, "Y-Yes. I-I did." She said, reaching out to grab the papers doing her best not to touch his skinny, boney, greasy fingers in the process. But he would not let go of the papers.  
  
"I saw ya changin yer clothes over there, yer hott!" he exclaimed as he moved his other hand onto her left breast.  
  
With a loud yell Mac unleashed a kick more powerful than a plane crash, and sent the boy flying twenty feet into a display of Wheat Thins. Picking up the files she raced off towards the bra section to try and find Harm.  
  
On approaching the bra section, Harm was nowhere in sight. Mac stopped short. Looking down she put on a sad face. Kneeling down she picked up Harms hat. Holding it to her chest she stood up. Tears forming in her eyes.  
  
Just then Harm walked out of the female change rooms. Mac looked up with a surprised and happy look. She broke off into a run with outstretched arms, painfully slow. She stopped about five feet from him with the sudden realization he was wearing women's clothing.  
  
"What the hell?" said Mac, looking Harm down from head to toe.  
  
"It- It's a- It's a disguise, uh- yeah, disguise." said Harm, his face several shades of red.  
  
"Right. Yeah. I uhh, I got the files!" said Mac, trying not to look at the fruity pink skirt Harm was wearing.  
  
"Let's get out of here." She yelled as she started to run toward the exit. Harm not moving an inch.  
  
"I'll be right with you!" yelled Harm, turning around to go back into the change rooms to change back into his own clothes.  
  
"I'm not even going to ask what that rectangle in her crotch is." Harm whispered to himself under his breath. "This mission is just plain weird."  
  
End of Chapter 3.  
  
What will happen when Harm and Mac leave the Walmart???? Find out next week on Jurisdictional Ass Grabbing! 


	4. Fat Scottish Guys and Hermits

JAG: Jurisdictional Ass Grabbing, Part 4  
  
Harm and Mac made there way through the streets of Washington, Harm still picking miscellaneous thorns out of himself. Mac was walking with her hands shoved in the pocket of her decidedly "guyish" outfit; she was playing with the box of Beano. At the same time, both of their questions became too much.  
  
"Why were you wearing bras?" "What is that rectangular thing in your pocket?"  
  
"You tell me first," Harm demanded.  
  
"No, you tell me first," Mac, countered.  
  
"No, you."  
  
"You."  
  
"You," just then a fat Scottish guy in a kilt with a bagpipe came out from an alleyway.  
  
"Why don't ya both just tell each other in the order that ya asked," he suggested.  
  
"But we both said it at the same time," Harm explained.  
  
"Well flip a coin, have a race, have a staring contest, have a laughing contest, see who can jog on the spot for the longest-"  
  
"Alright, alright, we get the point, geez," Mac interrupted.  
  
"Did someone say cheese?"  
  
"No, I said geez!"  
  
"I love cheese."  
  
"But I said GEEZ!"  
  
"With it's yellowy shimmer and bitter taste."  
  
"Dude, she said geez," said an annoyed Hermit who crawled out of his teepee.  
  
"You can't get better than cheese. Unless it's chicken, hey do you have any chicken?"  
  
"What?" Harm asked, staring incredulously at the fat Scottish man.  
  
"I love Chicken, with the skin and the shake n' bake. Ahhh, I could go for some chicken, or maybe some rabbit,"  
  
"Nasty," Mac said.  
  
"Na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na, bock bock bock bock bock bock bock," he started singing the Easter bocking bunny laying egg song.  
  
"Okay, how did this all start?" Harm asked.  
  
"We were arguing over who would answer our question first."  
  
"Ahh, YOU!!"  
  
"No, You."  
  
"You"  
  
"You"  
  
"I said you first."  
  
"No, Actually I did."  
  
"No, I did."  
  
"I did."  
  
"I did."  
  
"Are ya both sure you aren't four year old sisters, or an old married couple, cause' ya fight like one, eh," Came in the fat Scottish man, holding the bagpipe. All of the sudden, he farted.  
  
"Dude, that's not right," Came in the Hermit again.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Seriously, have you no mercy for those around you?" asked the Hermit again, waving his hand in from of his face.  
  
"Hey, I've been living under the shadow of a dark curse for many years. The inability to pass gas, and now I do it freely and I am condemned for it? Blasphemy!"  
  
"Uggh, you spat on me!" Harm said, picking off strands of spit from his shirt.  
  
"Hey, I've been living under the shadow of a dark curse for many years. The inability to salivate, and now I do it freely and I am condemned for it? Blasphemy!"  
  
"Hey, you just used the same sentence twice in a row," Mac said.  
  
"No, I didn't."  
  
"Yes, you did."  
  
"No, I didn't."  
  
"Yes you did, you just changed the words pass gas into salivate."  
  
"Well, then it isn't the same sentence is it?"  
  
"He has a point," cut in Harm. Mac turned on him.  
  
"You really want to deal with me right now thorn butt?" Harm reeled back.  
  
"No, Ma'am."  
  
"Good, now answer my question!"  
  
"Uh, yes ma'am. I was in disguise Ma'am."  
  
"Stop calling me Ma'am, Commander!"  
  
"Uh, Yes ma- Mac. Will you answer my question now?"  
  
"It's Beano, you got it? BEANO!!!!"  
  
"Aye, that's not right," The fat Scottish dude said.  
  
"No way," agreed the Hermit.  
  
"Well, we ought to get back to JAG, I'll bet the President has a few words for you," Mac said, poking Harm.  
  
"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW," said Harm.  
  
"Wuss," Mac said. She grabbed Harm's hand and started pulling him in the direction of the HQ.  
  
"Later Fat Scottish dude, Later Hermit freak."  
  
"Bye sissy and dominatrix," said the Hermit, the two strange dude sat back, waving oddly at the two military officers who then walked away.  
  
Tune in next time to find out what happens when Harm and  
Mac get back to JAG. 


	5. Zombies and Klutziness

JAG - Jurisdictional Ass grabbing..  
  
This week on JERK. Err. JAG- Jurisdictional Ass Grabbing  
  
It was about 6pm by the time Harm and Mac arrived at HQ. After hours of stupidity, self-mutilation, and avoiding the law, they finally got back.  
  
"This day sucks!" said Harm, as he walked up the steps leading to the front doors of HQ, "How could this day get any worse?!"  
  
"Oh don't be so pessimistic Harm. It can only get better from here."  
  
No sooner had the words past her lips when Harm in all of his retardedness (is that a word?) tripped and took a flying nosedive into the railing.  
  
CLANG! Went the railing as his head stuck it.  
  
"Owww! Wahahaha, I hurt my nose!" cried Harm, cupping his nose in his palms.  
  
"Baby." said Mac as she hoisted him up onto his feet. "You can't go ten feet without hurting yourself today!"  
  
"I don't mean to! Wahahaha." said Harm, still crying.  
  
They reached the top step and Harm tripped again. Landing on his stomach at the top of the stairs. Mac not paying attention tripped over Harm.  
  
Splash!  
  
"Splash?" Asked Harm, looking up. "Oh my GOD!"  
  
Mac had fallen into a small pool of blood.  
  
Diving into the pool of blood with a large splash and a dull thud Harm went.  
  
"Stupid." Mac said, standing over him. Knee deep in a pool of blood, covered from head to toe.  
  
"Ow. I hurt myself! AHHHH!" Yelled Harm, seeing a dead body float by in the pool of blood.  
  
"What the hell?" exclaimed Mac.  
  
Spinning around, they both shrieked in horror! About 20 seemingly walking dead people were hobbling toward them.  
  
Skin hanging on by a thread. Internal organs spilling out. Bones broken and limbs dragging behind. One of them even had his intestines wrapped around a pole and was straining like a dog on a leash to get to them.  
  
Screaming like 5 year olds Harm and Mac took off running. Slamming the door to HQ behind them, they spun around and screamed! Realising that they were looking at their own reflections on a window, they breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
Just then, they looked up. A zombie had somehow gotten stuck to the ceiling and was staring at them.  
  
"Brrraaains!" said the zombie, in the most annoying voice possible?  
  
Harm and Mac shuddered at the sound of it.  
  
"That must be Petty Officer Cotes!" exclaimed Mac.  
  
"Their coming in the window!!!" yelled Harm, pointing toward a zombie crawling in through a window, getting stuck by the butt and struggling madly to free itself.  
  
"Ha! It's stuck! Lets kill it!" said Mac, walking toward the zombie, fists raised.  
  
"Sheeit!" yelled the zombie, noticing the impending ass kicking coming his way.  
  
"Stop! It's me! The do-you-have-any-chicken bloke you met outside!" he cried to Mac.  
  
"Haha! Your so fat!" laughed Harm. Looking to his left and seeing a zombies face pressed against the window that he was sitting next to. "Agh!"  
  
"How do I know its really you?" asked Mac. Not noticing that the zombie was in fact too fat to crawl through a six by ten foot window and obviously the fat annoying Scotsman that they had met earlier.  
  
"Do ya have any chicken?" asked the fat Scot, "being a zombie makes ya greatly hungered!"  
  
"He's a zombie! Get em!" Yells Mac. As she picks up a metal rod that seems to have broken off the door.  
  
Beating furiously, Mac ravages the fat stuck zombie, getting him unstuck. He flops in through the window and lands on Mac..  
  
What will happen next? Probably a complete chapter rewrite once Christie reads this!  
  
^ | | ROBERT!!! I didn't rewrite anything, I just fixed the "several" mistakes!!! Just kidding.. I'm not the obsessive compulsive, really!  
  
Find out later on JAG-Jurisdictional Ass Grabbing. 


	6. Screams and Harriet?

Sorry... this took a long time, and it's short and it sucks... but we've been busy! Lol, read on!

This week on JAG: Jurisdictional Ass Grabbing.

Eventually Harm felt the need to pull Mac away from the massacred form of the fat Scottish dude, and take away the metal rod she used to beat him.

"What? What?!? Let me at him!!!" Mac screams.

"Mac, come on, don't you think he's dead yet?"

Mac is about to respond when they hear what sounded like distressed screams coming from the Admiral's office.

"A.J!" Mac screams, running to the office with Harm in tow. She tries to open the door, finding it locked. The screaming ensues.

"Back up Harm... I'm getting in there!" Mac jogs backwards and rams herself full speed into the door, sending it flying open. They look and see the Admiral screaming at his desk.

"Admiral? What's wrong?" Harm asks. A.J looks at him surprised, and stops his screaming.

"Commander? Colonel? What are you doing here?" He asks nervously.

"Sir, we heard you screaming from the bullpen!" Mac says. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine! Just get out!" he screams. Harm and Mac look at him confusedly.

"Sir, everyone has been killed and turned into zombies!"

"You think I don't know that? Now get out before I have you both court marshaled for insubordination!" Harm and Mac are completely confused.

"Admiral... I don't understand!" Mac cries.

"Okay, this is boring, can I come out now?" they hear. A.J looks down and backs his chair up, zipping his pants. Harm and Mac watch in confusion as Harriet's zombie crawls out from under his desk, wiping her mouth.

What was Harriet doing under the Admiral's desk (I wonder?)

Find out next time on JAG: Jurisdictional Ass Grabbing.


End file.
